We often hear about the power of confidence and self-esteem, but there’s another force at play within each of us—one that can both drive us to great success and set us up for our own downfall: our ego. Our sense of entitlement, driven by the ego, can be both our greatest motivator and our biggest obstacle. To become the best version of ourselves, to be leaders who are supportive and empathetic, and to make sound decisions for those around us, we must understand and manage this sense of entitlement.
As we gain more responsibilities—whether in our community, our family, or our career—we become rulers of our own realms, overseeing and supporting those around us. However, without an understanding of what drives us, what makes us tick, and how our ego operates, we can’t be the best leaders we aspire to be. Let’s explore how to navigate the complexities of our egos and how to harness a healthy sense of confidence without falling into the pitfalls of entitlement.
The Double-Edged Sword of Ego
The ego is like a double-edged sword: it can drive us to achieve greatness, but it can also become an obstacle if left unchecked. Many of us fall into the trap of entitlement, believing we deserve success simply because of who we are or what we’ve achieved. This sense of entitlement is fueled by an ego that seeks validation, recognition, and praise.
It’s easy to become blind to the negative effects of our own entitlement, especially when it brings short-term rewards. However, unchecked entitlement can lead to poor decisions, superficial success, and strained relationships. To become the best version of yourself and lead others effectively, you must recognize and manage your ego.
“You have the power to make a difference in someone’s life. All they ask from you is for you to be the best you.” —Me
Let’s explore the concept of ego, how it influences our sense of entitlement, and practical steps to navigate it.
Confidence vs. Entitlement: Understanding the Difference
In Ego Is the Enemy, Ryan Holiday discusses how confidence, when built on nothing but validation from others, becomes imaginary and leads to an inflated ego. Such false confidence not only obstructs personal growth but also sets us up for failure. True self-esteem must be based on genuine achievement—tangible results that validate our abilities. However, even confidence based on real achievement can become dangerous if it leads to entitlement.
Some psychologists argue that even confidence built on achievements is fragile because it is tied to success, which can come and go. When achievements become the foundation of our identity, the absence of success can leave us feeling empty and questioning our worth.
“True confidence comes from within—not from the praise of others or the medals on your wall.”
This is why it’s essential to cultivate self-acceptance alongside confidence. Self-acceptance means recognizing your strengths and weaknesses, accepting them, and understanding that your worth isn’t tied to your achievements.
Three Ways to Combat Entitlement:
- Stop Talking About Yourself: The more you focus on yourself, the more you inflate your ego. Instead, shift your focus to others and be genuinely interested in their experiences.
- Stop Thinking About Yourself: Entitlement often stems from overthinking your own needs and wants. Practice focusing outward—on your goals, on others, and on the bigger picture.
- Stop Being Prideful: Pride often stops us from accepting help, admitting mistakes, or showing vulnerability. Humility is key to keeping entitlement in check.
Personal Reflection: I’ve personally experienced the consequences of tying my identity too closely to my achievements. When I lost something I valued, I found myself questioning who I was without it. It took time, but I learned that my value wasn’t just about what I accomplished—it was about the person I am, regardless of my successes or failures.
The Trap of the Finite Game
In The Infinite Game, Simon Sinek talks about the concept of viewing life as either a finite or infinite game. The finite game is driven by a desire to “win”—to be better than others, to accumulate titles, to be the best in your field. This mentality is often driven by ego and entitlement, and it can lead us to make poor choices when we get caught up in beating others rather than focusing on our true purpose.
Hiroshi Yamauchi, the former president of Nintendo, provides a great example of an infinite mindset. Nintendo initially found great success as a trading-card company, becoming one of the most profitable firms in Japan by the mid-20th century. At that point, Yamauchi could have rested on the company’s achievements, but he saw the value in continuous growth and expansion. He decided to steer the company into toy-making, and eventually, into video games. This decision allowed Nintendo to become the iconic company it is today.
Had Yamauchi been content with what they’d already achieved, driven by an ego that wanted to simply maintain their status, Nintendo would have missed out on incredible opportunities.
“Your ego can make you view life as a finite game—constantly trying to beat others instead of focusing on what truly matters.”
The Just Cause
Sinek encourages us to pursue a “Just Cause”—a purpose that is bigger than ourselves and extends beyond our ego. When you focus on your larger purpose, you can avoid the trap of entitlement and stay grounded, even when you achieve success.
Personal Insight: Reflecting on my own journey, there have been times when I got caught up in comparing myself to others, trying to “win” at life. This mindset drained me and took the joy out of my work. It wasn’t until I refocused on my personal mission—helping others and being a positive influence—that I found true fulfillment.
Breaking Free from Entitlement: The Path to Your Authentic Self
To navigate and overcome entitlement, you need to understand yourself deeply and recognize the forces driving your actions. Ask yourself: Why am I doing this? Is it for recognition? Is it to prove something to others? Or is it for a higher purpose?
The concept of Breaking the Habit of Being Yourself, as described by Dr. Joe Dispenza, can be transformative. To break free from entitlement, you need to detach from the identity you’ve built around external validation. This involves moving from a state of selfishness, defined by shame, guilt, and fear, to a state of selflessness, characterized by gratitude, compassion, and joy.
At this point, your external environment no longer dictates how you feel or how you live. You are in control, able to identify and break bad habits as they arise.
Practical Steps to Break Free from Entitlement:
- Self-Reflection: Regularly engage in self-reflection to identify when your ego is driving your actions. Journaling is a great tool for this.
- Practice Gratitude: Gratitude helps shift your focus from what you think you deserve to what you already have. This is a powerful way to reduce entitlement.
- Embrace Vulnerability: Admit when you’re wrong. Ask for help when you need it. Vulnerability keeps you grounded and prevents your ego from inflating.
- Set Growth Goals: Focus on goals that are about growth rather than status. Instead of striving to be “the best,” aim to be better than you were yesterday.
Personal Growth Exercise: One powerful exercise to understand and combat entitlement is to write down a situation where you felt entitled—maybe it was expecting recognition for something you did, or feeling resentful when you didn’t receive praise. Then reflect on why you felt that way and how you could approach similar situations differently in the future.
Leadership and Longevity: Keeping Entitlement in Check
As we grow in our personal and professional lives, many of us step into leadership roles. Whether you’re leading a team at work, guiding a family, or contributing to your community, entitlement can hinder your ability to be an effective leader. Entitled leaders often make decisions that serve themselves rather than those they lead, and this ultimately undermines their credibility and success.
In The Infinite Game, Sinek highlights how leaders with longevity pursue new challenges even when they’re comfortably successful. It’s important to stay curious, be open to new opportunities, and continuously seek growth.
Entitlement can make you complacent—it can make you think you’ve “made it” and that you deserve to stay at the top. True leaders understand that success isn’t about maintaining a position of power; it’s about serving others, inspiring growth, and pursuing a larger purpose.
“A leader’s job isn’t to be in charge, but to take care of those in their charge.” —Simon Sinek
Conclusion: Mastering Your Ego for a Fulfilling Life
The journey to overcoming entitlement is one of self-awareness, humility, and growth. Your ego can be your greatest motivator or your biggest downfall—it all depends on how you choose to manage it.
To be the best version of yourself and to lead others effectively, you must learn to keep your sense of entitlement in check. Focus on self-acceptance rather than external validation. Embrace vulnerability, pursue a purpose greater than yourself, and always seek growth.
Reflect on how entitlement has played a role in your life—both positively and negatively. What steps can you take to keep your ego in check and pursue a life of true fulfillment? Your sense of entitlement doesn’t have to be your enemy. With self-awareness, it can become a powerful force for growth and positive change.
“To lead others, first lead yourself. To lead yourself, master your ego.”
Your future self will thank you for the work you put in today. Keep striving to be better, not to prove something to others, but to fulfill the incredible potential within you.
