How Can You Discover Your Authentic Self?

Who is your true, authentic self? This is a question that can stir up deep introspection and self-reflection. For many of us, the journey to discovering our authentic selves is a winding road, shaped by our experiences, societal expectations, and the pressures we place on ourselves. But there is incredible power in embracing who you really are—your genuine, unapologetic self.

I’ve often reflected on this question in my own life. As a kid, I was focused on helping others. I loved being my mother’s “favorite helper,” and there was no competition as an only child, so I felt validated for my efforts, whether acknowledged privately or publicly. I thrived on solving problems and making people smile because it made me feel seen.

However, over time, especially after learning about money and success, I shifted my mindset. I began to believe that accumulating wealth would allow me to help more people, and my focus shifted to chasing success. By 2023, I had doubled my income and purchased three properties within 18 months, but something was missing. I had lost touch with my authentic self—the person I once was, who found joy in helping others for the sake of it, not for success or financial gain.

Let’s explore what it means to connect with your authentic self, how to reclaim it, and why doing so is essential for leading a fulfilling life.

Introduction: What Is Your Authentic Self?

The concept of the authentic self can be elusive. It’s easy to get caught up in societal expectations, career ambitions, and the roles we play in life, from being parents, partners, or professionals. But beneath all these labels lies a core identity—who we truly are when we strip away external influences.

I’ve come to believe that our true, authentic self is often who we aspired to be as children—not the job title or societal role, but the essence of our being. As children, we are uninhibited and unburdened by the pressures of adulthood. We act from a place of curiosity, playfulness, and joy. Reconnecting with that part of ourselves can bring us back to our most authentic expression.

“Be yourself; everyone else is already taken.” —Oscar Wilde

This quote by Oscar Wilde is a reminder that we are unique, and the only person we are meant to be is ourselves. Yet, throughout life, we can lose touch with that uniqueness in the pursuit of external goals, validation, or acceptance.

Losing Your Authentic Self in the Pursuit of Success

For many, including myself, the path to losing our authentic selves starts when we adopt external goals that we believe will bring us happiness—whether it’s wealth, recognition, or success. It’s easy to get caught up in the rat race, striving for achievements that seem to validate our worth.

As I mentioned earlier, between 2019 and 2023, I managed to double my income and invest in real estate, acquiring three properties in just 18 months. These were significant milestones, yet during that time, I felt more disconnected from my authentic self than ever. My primary focus had become making money and achieving success, rather than simply enjoying the process of helping others.

What I realized was that chasing success for its own sake had distanced me from what truly brought me joy. Instead of feeling fulfilled, I felt empty. The accomplishments were impressive on paper, but they didn’t align with my deeper values or my authentic self.

This experience is not unique. Many of us get caught in the cycle of chasing societal definitions of success, only to realize that these external measures don’t lead to lasting fulfillment.

How to Reconnect with Your Authentic Self

So, how do you reconnect with your true, authentic self? The first step is to reflect on who you were before societal expectations, financial goals, or career ambitions took over. Think about your childhood—what brought you joy? What made you feel most alive? These memories often hold the key to reconnecting with your authentic self.

Here are some steps you can take to rediscover your authenticity:

1. Identify What Truly Matters to You: Reflect on your values, passions, and what gives your life meaning. Ask yourself questions like: What activities make me lose track of time? What do I do purely for the joy of it? What are the causes I care deeply about?
2. Let Go of External Validation: Much of the disconnect from our authentic selves comes from seeking validation from others—whether it’s approval from parents, bosses, or society. Reclaim your sense of self by focusing on what makes you feel fulfilled, regardless of external recognition.
3. Tune Into Your Emotions: Your emotions are powerful indicators of when you’re aligned with your authentic self. When you feel joyful, energized, or at peace, you’re likely living in alignment with your true self. Conversely, feelings of stress, anxiety, or frustration may signal that you’re living inauthentically.
4. Reframe Success: Success doesn’t have to mean financial wealth or societal recognition. Redefine success in a way that aligns with your authentic self. For me, success is now about helping others and making a meaningful impact, not just achieving financial milestones.

“Authenticity is the daily practice of letting go of who we think we’re supposed to be and embracing who we are.” —Brené Brown

Brené Brown’s words beautifully capture the essence of living authentically. It’s about letting go of the expectations we’ve internalized and embracing the person we truly are.

The Power of Authenticity: Why It’s 4,000 Times More Powerful

Being authentic is not just about feeling good—it’s also an incredibly powerful way to live. Studies have shown that when we are authentic, we are more likely to experience deeper connections, greater happiness, and more success in all areas of life.

Tony Robbins, in Awaken the Giant Within, explains that authenticity is 4,000 times more powerful than inauthentic living. This may sound like an exaggeration, but the science behind it makes sense. When you’re authentic, you’re living in alignment with your core values and your true self. This alignment creates a sense of inner peace and confidence, which others can feel, leading to stronger relationships and more opportunities for success.

Think about the people you admire most—whether it’s a public figure or someone in your personal life. Chances are, one of the reasons you’re drawn to them is their authenticity. We are naturally attracted to people who are comfortable in their own skin and who aren’t afraid to show their true selves.

Building Genuine Relationships Through Authenticity

One of the greatest benefits of living authentically is that it allows you to build deeper, more genuine relationships. When you’re authentic, you attract people who resonate with your true self, rather than people who are drawn to a façade.

Dale Carnegie, in How to Win Friends and Influence People, emphasizes the power of genuine connection. One of the simplest ways to express authenticity in relationships is through something as basic as a smile. As Carnegie notes, a smile conveys goodwill, warmth, and authenticity. It’s a universal signal that you’re open, approachable, and genuine.

“A smile says, ‘I like you. You make me happy. I’m glad to see you.’” —Dale Carnegie

Whether in personal or professional relationships, being authentic makes people feel valued and appreciated. Authenticity creates trust, and trust is the foundation of any meaningful connection.

Embracing Vulnerability and Shedding the Mask

Living authentically requires a willingness to be vulnerable. Many of us have developed masks over the years—roles we play to fit in, to succeed, or to protect ourselves from judgment. These masks might make us feel safe, but they prevent us from fully experiencing life and connecting with others.

In Breaking the Habit of Being Yourself, Dr. Joe Dispenza explains that when we wear these masks, we become disconnected from our true selves. Over time, this disconnection can lead to feelings of emptiness and dissatisfaction. The remedy is to shed the mask and embrace vulnerability.

Yes, being vulnerable means exposing parts of yourself that may feel uncomfortable or uncertain. But it’s through vulnerability that you can truly connect with yourself and others. When you let go of the need to be perfect or to live up to others’ expectations, you give yourself the freedom to be fully, authentically you.

Conclusion: Living as Your Authentic Self

Discovering and embracing your authentic self is a lifelong journey, one that requires self-reflection, courage, and vulnerability. But the rewards are immense. When you live authentically, you experience greater fulfillment, stronger relationships, and a sense of inner peace that can’t be achieved through external success alone.

Take the time to reconnect with your true self—who you were before the world told you who you should be. Let go of the need for external validation and live in alignment with your values and passions. The more you embrace your authentic self, the more joy and purpose you will find in your everyday life.

“The privilege of a lifetime is to become who you truly are.” —Carl Jung

Ask yourself: Who is your true, authentic self? The answer lies within, waiting for you to rediscover it. Live authentically, and you’ll find that the life you’ve always desired begins to unfold naturally.