How Can Changing Your Language Transform Your Life?

In 2023, I attended a GoBundance Emerge event in Miami, where mindset coaches Aaron Velky and Ian Lobas introduced me to the word “Abracadabra.” Most of us associate this word with magic tricks, but it actually has a much deeper meaning. The phrase “Abracadabra” is derived from the Hebrew phrase “ebrah k’dabri,” which loosely translates to “with these words I create.” The idea that words hold the power to shape reality is as profound as it is true.

Our language—the words we use to express ourselves—not only communicates how we feel but also reinforces how we think and behave. The language you choose can profoundly affect your emotional state and, ultimately, the results you get in life. By making small changes in how we speak, we can shift our emotions, behaviors, and outcomes.

Introduction: The Power of Language

We’ve all heard the phrase “words have power.” But have you ever thought about how much influence your daily language has over your emotions and actions? From my own experience, I’ve found that the way you speak can shape the way you think, which in turn affects how you feel and what you ultimately achieve.

For many years, I was unaware of how often the language I used kept me stuck in negative emotional patterns. I would say things like “I’m overwhelmed” or “I’m frustrated,” without realizing that these words were reinforcing my negative emotions and keeping me from finding solutions. It wasn’t until I started paying attention to the language I used that I realized how much power it had over my mindset and behavior.

In this blog, we’ll explore how your language influences your thoughts, emotions, and actions, and how you can change your language to create a more positive and empowered life.

The Science Behind Language and Emotions

According to research presented in Awaken the Giant Within by Tony Robbins, you can control your emotions—and therefore your experiences—by controlling the language you use to describe them. The theory of psychological constructionism suggests that emotions are constructed from several different psychological elements, including:

1. Your understanding of a concept: For example, your knowledge of what “excitement” is.
2. What you perceive: For example, loud music, flashing lights, and a large crowd of people.
3. Physical sensations: For example, increased heart rate or energy surges.

In other words, emotions are not fixed, unchangeable reactions. They are formed by how we interpret situations based on these factors, and language plays a critical role in this process. By changing the language you use to describe your emotions and experiences, you can reshape your emotional response and create new patterns in your life.

“The limits of my language mean the limits of my world.” —Ludwig Wittgenstein

This quote by philosopher Ludwig Wittgenstein captures the essence of how language shapes our reality. The words we use define our experiences, and by expanding and refining our language, we can expand the possibilities in our lives.

How Language Affects Your Emotional State

Have you ever noticed how certain words can intensify your emotions? For example, if you say, “I’m furious,” you may feel your anger rise even more. On the other hand, if you say, “I’m irritated,” the emotion might feel less overwhelming. This is because language creates a feedback loop between your thoughts and emotions. The words you use can either amplify or reduce the intensity of your emotional state.

Here’s a simple strategy to shift your emotions using language:

• Dull negative emotions: Instead of using extreme words like “devastated” or “furious,” opt for less intense language like “disappointed” or “annoyed.” This helps reduce the emotional charge and brings the situation into perspective.
• Intensify positive emotions: On the flip side, use stronger language to describe positive experiences. Instead of saying “I’m happy,” say “I’m thrilled” or “I’m ecstatic.” This enhances the emotional impact and helps you feel more connected to the positive experience.

For instance, imagine you’re feeling frustrated at work. Instead of saying, “I’m so frustrated,” try saying, “I’m a bit overinvested.” The word “overinvested” is unusual enough to interrupt your emotional pattern and refocus your attention on why you care so much. This simple shift in language can lead to a more constructive response.

Self-Distancing: Changing Your Perspective

Another powerful language tool is self-distancing—a technique where you refer to yourself in the third person or second person instead of the first person. Research suggests that self-distancing helps create emotional distance from stressful or upsetting situations, making it easier to manage your emotions objectively.

For example, instead of saying, “Why am I so upset?” you could ask yourself, “Why is [your name] feeling upset about this?” or “Why is he/she upset about this?” This small change in language helps create mental space between you and the emotion, making it easier to process without feeling overwhelmed.

“Words are free. It’s how you use them that may cost you.” —KushandWizdom

This quote highlights how much influence our language has on our emotional and mental well-being. By using words thoughtfully, you can turn even the most difficult emotions into opportunities for growth.

Expanding Your Emotional Vocabulary

One reason why many people struggle to manage their emotions is that they have a limited vocabulary to express them. When your emotional vocabulary is restricted to words like “angry,” “happy,” or “sad,” you limit your ability to fully understand and process what you’re feeling.

Take, for example, the word “fine.” When someone asks how you’re feeling and you reply with “I’m fine,” what does that really mean? “Fine” could imply anything from peaceful contentment to dejected resignation. A more precise vocabulary helps you get to the root of your emotions, making it easier to navigate them.

Here are some tips to expand your emotional vocabulary:

1. Recognize that emotions are complex: Rarely do we experience just one emotion at a time. You might feel both “angry” and “disappointed” or “excited” and “nervous.” Allow yourself to feel these layered emotions instead of simplifying them.
2. Use specific language: Rather than saying you’re “sad,” consider words like “melancholy,” “grieved,” or “disheartened.” This specificity helps you better understand your emotions.
3. Practice describing your emotions daily: Take a few minutes each day to reflect on how you’re feeling and find precise words to describe your emotional state.

The Impact of Language on Behavior

Not only does your language affect your emotional state, but it also plays a significant role in shaping your behavior. The words you use can either empower or limit your actions. When you change your language, you also change your mindset, which leads to different actions and outcomes.

For example:

• Instead of saying, “I’ll try,” say, “I’ll do it.” This simple shift in language transforms uncertainty into commitment.
• Instead of saying, “I’m struggling,” say, “I’m learning.” This reframes challenges as opportunities for growth rather than as roadblocks.

Language plays a critical role in reinforcing your identity and how you see yourself. When you speak positively and proactively, you cast a vote for the type of person you want to be. Over time, these small changes in language compound and shape your actions, helping you become more confident and capable.

The Power of Positive Self-Talk

One of the most transformative changes you can make is to practice positive self-talk. The way you speak to yourself matters just as much—if not more—than the way you speak to others. Negative self-talk can become a habit that keeps you stuck in a cycle of self-doubt and low self-esteem, while positive self-talk can build resilience and self-confidence.

Consider the following strategies to improve your self-talk:

• Use empowering language: Instead of saying, “I can’t do this,” try, “I’m capable of figuring this out.” This small shift moves you from a mindset of helplessness to one of capability.
• Speak to yourself with compassion: When you make a mistake, instead of saying, “I’m such an idiot,” say, “I made a mistake, and that’s okay—I’ll learn from it.”
• Celebrate your successes: After achieving a goal, take a moment to acknowledge it by saying, “I’m proud of what I’ve accomplished” or “I worked hard and earned this.”

Conclusion: How Your Language Shapes Your Life

The words you use daily have the power to shape your emotions, influence your behaviors, and ultimately, determine the course of your life. By becoming more mindful of your language, you can create a more positive mindset, manage your emotions more effectively, and achieve your goals with greater ease.

It all starts with small changes—replacing negative or limiting words with empowering ones, expanding your emotional vocabulary, and practicing positive self-talk. Over time, these changes accumulate and transform the way you think, feel, and act.

“With these words, I create.”

What words will you choose today to create the life you want? The language you use is more than just communication—it’s a tool for personal transformation. Start small, and watch as your words begin to reshape your reality.